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Tuesday, August 07, 2007
9:02 PM
So it's 90 effing degrees outside, and I'm sitting here in my apartment with no air conditioning feeling sorry for myself. As I sit here writing and drinking a beer, I'm trying to think up an adjective or noun to accurately describe my current state.
Dammit, I don't even like beer.
Ah-ha. I have it. Discontent with a side of disgust.
When did this happen? I think it may have started with my little vacation home. When I'm away from Columbus, far from my friends and life here, something strange happens.
I forget.
That's all it takes for me to lose a grip on reality. Before I went home to Cuyahoga Falls, I kept myself insanely busy so I wouldn't have time to think. You know, about the fact that I haven't made a decision about veterinary school, my future career, and my perpetual single-ness. But when you're home alone for a solid week straight, with no one but three cats and a dog to keep you company, how can you NOT think?
And so I thought, long and hard. And in the end, I took three giant steps backwards.
Because now, unlike before, I simply don't care.
I've forgotten how to care, that I need to care. Hullooo Megan...you're taking the GRE August 23, veterinary school applications are due October 1st...oh, and remember God? Yeah, it takes two to tango.
Always daydreaming about something, worrying about everything, and doing nothing. Procrastination? No, I think I'm paralyzed...
So now what? Well, I can continue drinking this beer (still tastes gross, by the way), or I can get up off my ass, call my friends, read another chapter in my GRE study book, and start preparing for my future.
And that, my friends, is the problem.
Because I'm going to finish this damned beer.Labels: future, rambling, reflection
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